Oh but in other news I’ve bought a moleskin to use as a burn book so I can empty the vitriol about work and management from my mind into written character assassinations.

Urgh feel like I should be a character in some depressing Dickensian tale.

I’m stuck in some sort of existential downward spiral where my pitiful lack of progress in the work part of my life is draining the joy out of the rest of my life. Thus having the effect that there is nothing to look forward to and restricting the majority of my ability to moaning and casting negativity over everything.

Bah humbug

Gah can’t sleep again. Must get to pool or gym this week….

Can’t sleep. Feel wretched.

zooeydeschanel:

If your friend is feeling down, you could play him a really, really sad sack song, and say, “hey man, THIS ONE is for you.”

After you do that he will probably be sufficiently offended, or even angry, then you can say, “I GUESS you weren’t so sad AFTER ALL.” and maybe, “wow, your face is really…

caught sight of myself in the mirror this evening as i was getting changed and felt properly disgusted by what i saw.  i have got to a stage where i’m accepted i shall never be perfect and some imperfections can be good however i know i’ve been letting things slide lately with the stress of work and man action i got lazy.  only a couple of months ago i got to a point where i was pretty happy with my reflection and so now i want to get back to where i was.

Finding it difficult to get to sleep. Work has been nightmarish this week, I’ve got a job application part-finished that is due tomorrow and I stupidly mentioned in passing (but without explaining very well) that perhaps the boy and I should cool things for a while so “we don’t get sick of one another”.

Safe to say work situation is never going to improve dramatically. I need to pull my finger out on application and stop mincing. And I need to not say things to the boy with thinking first. He didn’t sound too happy but at same time didn’t say anything about it.

Oh dear.

Can I make it through another work day? Fingers crossed.

Am mentally and physically exhausted. Workday today was a bit of a write-off and got little to nothing done. I was going to do some work when i got home but decided to take the sensible route and have some dinner and an early night. I can then get a productive start in the morning.

After spending another weekend almost solely in the company of the boy I’ve decided I need to take a bit of a break. Things are really great between us but I’m concerned we might develop cabin fever. We are seemingly content in each others company but I sense a little bit of an edge could develop in our banter and it’s too early on for that. Didn’t really help that due to getting carried away yesterday, I had to get the dreaded morning after pill this morning. Nothing brings a cold hard reality check than having the pharmacist take you to a ‘quiet’ area (which was in fact between the sandwiches and the door to the staff room) to ask you questions about your sex life.

Plus the bear’s been really sick with flu. It’s positive that we’ve both seen each other in that state and still haven’t run for the hills. However, there were a few weird moments.

We’re going away this weekend to the Isle of Wight and I think it’s a good time to get some distance ahead of Friday.

Well today has been pretty tough going as I’ve been recovering from the massive bender I went on over the weekend following Bad News Friday.

Things with the boy are progressing nicely. He came to see the Mighty ‘Ding with me on Saturday and I met one of his many brothers that evening for dinner and drinks. There was a slighty fractious moment on Sunday night when my bad loser persona came out during a game of monopoly….

The next few weeks are going to be quite a struggle on the family front. Told my boss about dad today and managed to discuss it quite matter of factly without any emotion which was good. I’m hoping he keeps it to himself. They given me the time off so I can be around for my mum when he goes in. I’m sure everything will be fine but worrying won’t cease until he has gone under and come out the other side.